第一篇:《英语笑话带中文翻译-初中7-12》
7. The mean man's party The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow When the door open, push with your foot"
"Why use my elbow and foot"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're noting empty-hangded, are you"
小气鬼宴客
一个出了名的小气鬼终于决议要请一次客了。他在向一个朋侪诠释怎么找到他家时说“你上到五楼找中间谁人门然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后再用你的脚把门推开。经典诙谐笑话几个经典诙谐笑话。”
“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”
“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪你总不会空着手来吧？”小气鬼回覆。
8. Who Is the Laziest
Father ：Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question Who is the laziest person in your class
Tom ：I don't know, father
Father ：Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work
Tom： Our teacher, father
中文
父亲哎汤姆今天我跟你们先生谈过现在我想问你个问题。你们班上谁最懒？
汤姆我不知道爸爸。
父亲啊差池你知道！想想看当此外孩子们都在做作业、写字时谁在课堂上坐着只是看人家做作业？
汤姆我们先生爸爸。
9. 我是来装电话的 What a big deal【初一英语小笑话大全】
A young businessman had just started his business, and rented a beautiful office. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the
businessman picked up the phone and pretended that he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.
Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor. "Can I help you?" The man said, "Sure. I've come to install the phone."
一个年轻人刚刚开始做生意，就租了一个漂亮的办公室。一天，他坐在办公室里，看到有一个人在外面，于是他就装作生意很忙的样子，拿起电话胡吹乱侃，还不停的甩出几个大数字，好像在谈一笔大买卖。
到了最后，他终于挂了电话，问来访的人，“有事儿嘛？”那个人回答，“我是来给你安装电话的。”
10. Violin Lessons
"Daddy, can I learn to play the violin?" young Sarah asked her father. She was always asking for things and her father was not very pleased.
"You cost me a lot of money, Sarah," he said. "First you wanted to learn horse riding, then dancing, then swimming. Now it's the violin.
"I'll play every day, Daddy." Sarah said. "I'll try very hard.
"All right," her father said. "This is what I'll do. I'll pay for you to have lessons for six weeks. At the end of six weeks you must play something for me. If you play well, you can have more lessons. If you play badly, I will stop the lessons."
"0. K. Daddy," Sarah said. "That is fair.
He soon found a good violin teacher and Sarah began her lessons. The teacher was very expensive, but her father kept his promise.
The six weeks passed quickly. The time came for Sarah to play for her father. She went to the living room and said, "I'm ready to play for you, Daddy.
"Fine, Sarah," her father said. "Begin.
She began to play. She played very badly. She made a terrible noise.
Her father had one of his friends with him, and the friend put his hands over his ears. When Sarah finished, her father said, "Well done, Sarah. You can have more lessons." Sarah ran happily out of the room. Her father's friend turned to him. "You've spent a lot of money, but she still plays very badly. he said.
"Well, that's true," her father said. "But since she started learning the violin I've been able to buy five apartments in this build very cheaply. In another six weeks I'll own the whole building!"
小提琴课
“爸爸，我能学拉小提琴吗？”小莎拉问她的父亲。她总是要东西，因此她爸爸很不高兴。 “你花了我很多钱，莎拉，”他说，“开始你想学骑马，然后想学跳舞，然后是游泳。现在又想学拉小提琴。”
“我会每天都拉的，爸爸，”莎拉说，“我会认真练的。”
“好吧，”她爸爸说。“下面是我要做的：我会为你付六个星期的小提琴课的钱，六个星期后你必须拉首曲子给我听。如果你拉得很好，你可以继续上小提琴课，要是你拉得很差，你就不要再学了。”
“行。爸爸，”莎拉说，“这很公平。”
他很快就找到了一个好的小提琴老师，莎拉就开始学拉提琴了。尽管学费很高，但她爸爸遵守了诺言。
六个星期很快就过去了。该莎拉拉提琴给爸爸听了。
她走进起居室说：“我准备好拉提琴给你听了。”
“好哇，莎拉，”她爸爸说。“开始吧。”
她开始拉了。她拉得很差，发出了可怕的嗓音。她爸爸身旁有位朋友，朋友用手捂着耳朵。 莎拉拉完一曲，她父亲说：“拉得好，莎拉。你可以继续学琴了。”
莎拉高兴地跑出门去。她父亲的朋友对他说：“你已经花了不少钱了，但她还是拉得很差。” “噢，的确如此，”她爸爸说，“但自从她开始学小提琴，我就可以很便宜地买下这幢楼的五个公寓。再过六周，我就可以拥有整幢楼啦！”
11. Wasn't Asleep
When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"
"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.
"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."
"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."
我没有睡着【初一英语小笑话大全】
当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说：“先生，醒醒！”
“我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。
“没睡着？可是你眼睛都闭上了呀？”
“我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。”
12.
Mr. Johnson: Are you using you mower this afternoon?
Mr.Smith: Yes.
Mr.Johnson: Fine. Then can I borrow your tennis racket, since you won't be needing it?
约翰逊先生：今天下午你准备用割草机吗？
史密斯先生：是的。
约翰逊先生：太好了。既然您不用网球拍，那我可以借用一下吗？
第二篇:《几个英语带团小笑话,可以带团穿插讲》
几个笑话
1,Letmetakeitdown：【初一英语小笑话大全】
Anelephantsaidtoamouse,"nodoubtthatyouarethesmallestandmostuselessthingthatIhaveeverseen."
"Pless,sayitagain.Letmetakeitdown."themousesaid."IwilltellafleawhatIknow."
2,Buttheteachercried：
Thesix-year-oldJohnwasterriblyspoiled.Hisfatherknewit,buthisgrandmadotedonhim.Hehardlyleftherside.Andwhenhewantedanything,heeithercriedorthrewatempertantrum.Thencamehisfirstdayofschool,hisfirstdayawayfromhis
grandmother'slovingarms.Whenhecamehomefromschoolhisgrandmamethimatthedoor."Wasschoolallright?"sheasked,"Didyougetalongallright?didyoucry?""Cry?"Johnasked."No,Ididn'tcry,buttheteacherdid!"
3,Thedifferencebetweenmenandwomen：
Jockwasdrivingupasteep,narrow,tortuous,Scottishmountainroad.Awomanwasdrivingdownthesameroadintheoppositedirection.Astheypasseachotherthewomanleantoutthewindowandshouted:"PIG!!"Jockimmediatelyleantouthiswindowandrepliedwith"BITCH!!"Theyeachcontinueontheirway,butasJockroundedthenextcornerheranintoapiginthemiddleoftheroad.
4,AbeautifulyoungblondewomanboardsaplanetoLAwithaticketforthecoachsection.Shelooksattheseatsincoachandthenlooksaheadtothefirstclassseats.Seeingthatthefirstclassseatsappeartobemuchlargerandmorecomfortable,shemovesforwardtothelastemptyone.Theflightattendantchecksherticketandtellsthewomanthatherseatisincoach.Theblondereplies,"I'myoung,blondeandbeautiful,andI'mgoingtosithereallthewaytoLA."Flustered,theflightattendantgoestothecockpitandinformsthecaptainoftheblondeproblem.Thecaptaingoesbackandtellsthewomanthatherassignedseatisincoach.Again,theblondereplies,"I'myoung,blondeandbeautiful,andI'mgoingtosithereallthewaytoLA."Thecaptaindoesn'twanttocauseacommotion,andsoreturnstothecockpittodiscusstheblondewiththeco-pilot.Theco-pilotsaysthathehasablondegirlfriend,andthathecantakecareoftheproblem.Hethengoesbackandbrieflywhisperssomethingintotheblonde'sear.Sheimmediatelygetsup,says,"Thankyousomuch,"hugstheco-pilot,andrushesbacktoherseatinthecoachsection.Thepilotandflightattendant,whowerewatchingwithraptattention,togetherasktheco-pilotwhathehadsaidtothewoman.Hereplies,"Ijusttoldherthatthefirstclasssectionisn'tgoingtoLA."
5,Bushjoke:
Bushgotsomethingwrongwithhisbrain.Aftermedicalexamination,doctortellshim:Yourbrainhastwoparts:oneisleft,andanotherisright.Yourleftbrainhasnothingright,Yourrightbrainhasnothingleft.
6,TwoyoungmenwhohadjustgraduatedfromHarvardwereexcitedandtalkativeabouttheirfutureplansastheygotintoataxiindowntownBoston.Afterhearingthemforacoupleofminutesthecabdriverasked,"YoumenHarvardgraduates?""YesSir!Classof'99!"theyansweredproudly.Thecabdriverextendedhishandbacktoshaketheirhand,saying,"Classof'58."
7,Wife'spicture
Abusinessmanentersatavern,sitsdownatthebar,andordersadoublemartiniontherocks.Afterhefinishesthedrink,hepeeksinsidehisshirtpocket,thenheordersthebartendertoprepareanotherdoublemartini.Afterhefinishesthatone,heagainpeeksinsidehisshirtpocketandordersthebartendertobringanotherdoublemartini.Thebartendersays,"Look,buddy,I'llbringyoumartinisallnightlong.Butyougototellmewhyyoulookinsideyourshirtpocketbeforeyouorderarefill."Thecustomerreplies,"I'mpeekingataphotoofmywife.Whenshestartstolookgood,thenIknowit'stimetogohome."
第三篇:《英语小幽默》
1．No Cavities A smiling boy arrived home from a dental visit,"Hey mom,the dentist says I have no cavities. " His mom stared at him wide-eyed and quite surprised,"It's impossible --you never brush your teeth after cleaning the chocolate box before you go to bed! Then the boy opened his mouth --he had not a tooth left! 英文笑话：我没有蛀牙 小男孩儿看完牙医， 面带微笑地回到家：“嘿，妈妈，牙医说，我一颗蛀牙也没有。” 妈妈惊讶地瞪大眼睛：“不可能——你每回上床睡觉前都把巧克力盒子里的糖一下子吃 完，而且从来不刷牙！” 这时，男孩儿张开了嘴巴——他的牙全被拔光了。 2.Teacher:“ I have two questions, it isn't necessary to answer the second question if you know the result of the first question.How much hair do you have?” Student： “ A hundred and twenty millions.” Teacher:“ How do you know it?” Student:“ It is not necessary to answer the second question.” 老师："我有两个题目，你若能答出第一题就不需答第二题。你有多少根头发?" 学生："1.2 亿根。" 英语幽默笑话：一分一块钱 A dollar per point 编辑点评：Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point." A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor
noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change. 一天，教授正在给学生们监考。他发下试卷，然后回到讲台前等待。 考试结束了，学生们纷纷交回试卷。教授发现一张试卷上别着一张百元钞票，还有一张纸 条写着：“一分一块钱。” 第二堂课，教授把试卷都发回学生们手中。其中一个学生不但得到了试卷还得到 64 块钱 的找零。 英语笑话：好孩子 A Good Boy 编辑点评：小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”“我给了一个可怜的 老太婆，”他回答说。“你真是个好孩子，“妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什 么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You’re a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 ”昨天给你的钱干什么了？“ ”我给了一个可怜的老太婆，“他回答说。 ”你真是个好孩子，“妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感 兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。” 英语幽默笑话：I want a nightmare 想做坏梦
Before the final examination, Tom told his mother, "Mom, I had a dream last night that I'd passed today's exam.""Don't trust dreams, dear. It is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." Mother replied."Then I do hope I'll fail the other subjects in my dream tonight," Tom said. 在期末考试之前，汤姆告诉他的母亲：“妈妈，我昨天晚上做了一个梦，梦见 我通过了今天的考试。”“不要相信梦，亲爱的。据说梦中的经历通常与现实 相反。 ”妈妈答道。 “那么， 我真希望在今晚的梦中， 我的其他功课都不及格。 ” 汤姆说。
第四篇:《搞笑笑话大全》
巧合
毕克经常编一些理由逃学。有一天，住在外地的毕克祖母来到学校，对校长说：“我想看一看毕克上课的样子，他一定很可爱吧？”校长微笑着说：“很抱歉，今天不行，他请假参加您的葬礼去了。”
巧妙的比喻
一天，有人问英国光学权威W·S·富兰克林：“为什么一个物体在我们视膜上的像是倒立的，而我们都不感到物体是倒立的呢？”富兰克林想了一下回答说：“当你两耳同时听到一个婴孩啼哭时，为什么马上能肯定啼哭的不是双胞胎呢？”
没人磨墨
一个富家之子去考试，父亲事先考了他一下，成绩很好，满以为一定能录取了，不料榜上竟没有儿子的名字。父亲赶去找县官评理。县官调来卷查看，只见上面淡淡一层灰雾，却看不到有什么字。父亲一回家便责骂道：“你的考卷怎么写得叫人看也看不清？”儿子哭道：“考场上没人替我磨墨，我只得用笔在砚上蘸着水写呀。”
看谁的知识渊博
在一次宴会上一个主教坐在了一位女士旁边。她想显示一下自己知识的渊博，于是她问主教：“主教读过《亲爱的约翰》吗？”“没有，确实没读过，”主教说。“没读过？这本书从出版到现在近20年了。”“女士看过《路加福音》吗？”“没有，我没看过。”“是吗？真不可思议。这本书是差不多2000年前写的。”
加油添醋
“哥哥，这是我的语文作业，用‘加油添醋’这个词造句。你给看看吧。”„哥哥接过弟弟的作业本，读道：“我爸爸是饮食公司副主任，他每天到中心饭店吃早点时，小王师傅都要往他的碗里加油添醋。”哥哥思索片刻，说：“句子倒是通顺的，不过‘加油添醋’这个词一般是作为比喻使用的，你在这句话里，嫌太实了。”说完，拿起铅笔，另外造了一句：“中心饭店每次评奖时，我爸爸都要去为小师傅加油添醋地评功摆好。”弟弟看了连连拍手叫好。这时爸爸走了过来，拿起这两条“造句”一看，脸上顿时显出不快，嘟嚷道：“这写的是什么东西，纯属‘加油添醋’
空杯论禅道
有一天，有位大学教授特地向日本明治时代著名禅师南隐问禅，南隐只是以茶相待，却不说禅。他将茶水注入这位来客的杯子，直到杯满，还是继续注入。这位教授眼睁睁地望着茶水不停地溢出杯外，直到再也不能沉默下去了，终于说道：“已经漫出来了，不要再倒了！”“你就像这只杯子一样，”南隐答道，“里面装满了你自己的看法和想法。你不先把你自己的杯子空掉，叫我如何对你说禅？”
音乐的慰藉
德国作曲家勃拉姆斯（1833-1897年）年轻时就受到李斯特和舒曼的关注和帮助。他一生扑在音乐上，勤奋地工作。但他出身贫穷，父母把脱贫致富的希望寄托在他身上。为了帮助家庭，他把挣来的钱都拿了出来，但总是杯水车薪，无补于事。加之他父亲不善理财，花钱轻率，因此经常入不敷出。有一次，勃拉姆斯离家外出，他对父亲说：“要是你遇到了不顺心的事，我觉得最好的慰藉是音乐。那时，请你翻翻我那本旧的《索尔钢琴练习曲》，也许你会消除烦恼的。”父亲并不懂他话里的涵义，也没当回事。不过没几天，他手头就又拮据了。这时，他想起了儿子的话，便找来了那本曲簿，看能找到什么慰藉。谁知，翻开一看，里面竟夹着几张可
生财之道
几乎没什么人到白玫瑰餐厅吃饭，老板不知如何是好。餐厅里饭菜物美价廉，可是好像没有人愿意来吃。后来他采取了措施把情况改变了，几个星期以来他的餐厅总是满了先生们和他
们的子女，每当一位先生带着一位女士进来，侍者就给他们每人一份印刷精美的菜单，两份菜单外表看来完全一样，但内容却大不相同。侍者给男人的那份菜单上是每份、每瓶啤酒的正常价格，而他给女士们的那份菜单上的价格要高得多，所以当男人从容地点了一份又一份菜，要了一种又一种酒的时候，女士会觉得他比实际上要慷慨得多。
换灯泡
问：如果一个灯泡坏了，需要更换一个新的，需要几个微软公司的职员？答：四个，一个要问：“灯泡的登记号是多少？”另一个要问：“你有没有再开一次试试？”第三个要问：“你有没有把灯泡卸下来再安一次试试？”最后一个说：“一定是硬件出了问题，因为我们办公室的灯泡都是好的......
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刚才是谁啊
把孩子们打发上床后，母亲换上了一条旧便裤和一件松松垮垮的上衣，开始给自己洗头。当听到孩子们的打闹声越来越响时，她越来越不耐烦起来。最后她在头上胡乱缠了条毛巾，吼叫着冲进了孩子们的房间，严厉地训斥着命令他们躺回床上。当她离开房间时，她听见她三岁的女儿颤抖着声音说：“刚才是谁啊？”
食品安全
蚊子进城！饿极，见一小姐双乳高挺，遂一头扎入猛咬，发现嘴里全是硅胶，于是仰天长叹：唉！食品安全太成问题了，上哪能吃到放心奶啊....【初一英语小笑话大全】
名字
我的临桌是个热外狂，新近又开始学日语得闲的空时，总听他在不停的嘟囔：我要起个日本名字，可起什么好听呢？........我很烦他，一日中午，阳光明媚，屋子里热热的，几只苍蝇在空中飞来飞去，好像要找什么似的，烦人的他又嘟嘟囔囔的走
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